xeppeli:

alton brown: contestants, you have precisely one hour to assemble a dish using only one ingredient (he takes the cover off of the sliver platter to reveal a sad looking bag of pepperoni)

bald chef jeff: ok, so right away i’m thinkin pepperoni pizza. so i go to the pantry to get myself some bread, but there was a rabid dog waiting for me within, so i instantly closed the door before i was mauled and killed by this rabid dog. so my second idea was to assemble a favorite of mine: a pepperoni geyser. now in order to make a pepperoni geyser, you need a floating point unit and a pepperoni propulsion device, which can easily be assembled by [REDACTED BY US GOVERNMENT] so right away i grab the ice cream machine and [REDACTED BY US GOVERNMENT] and that should do it.

alton brown: 3, 2, 1! time’s up, chefs! chef dianne, what have you prepared for us today?

chef dianne: well today, i have prepared for you a dish we always used to make back home in louisana. it’s called “stacks”

(it’s just a stack of pepperoni)

alton brown: revered food columnist Vito Scaletta, what do you think of the “stacks” chef dianne cheyenne has prepared for you today?

revered food columnist vito scaletta, without taking a bite of his stack: i like it. it brings me back to my poker days, makes me feel like i’m winnin’ big!