some asshole: you can’t just say everything is gay because-
me, pointing to a big lobster I’ve just seen scuttle under a big rock: lesbian
same asshole: actually animals don’t have a concept of-
me, gently holding the lobster claw: wife
still the same asshole, trembling in fear: why does your beautiful lobster wife have a hammer
my beautiful lobster wife: *kills him*
me: oh fuck I need to pay rent
my beautiful lobster wife, who has doubled in size from how much I love her: *eats my landlord*
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